There have been many things going on in my life that I can barely keep them all together between working two jobs, hanging out with friends, spending time with family, and making my love life work. During the past two days I've been having to tell myself "Today is a good day." I have been working multiple doubles nonstop giving me only a few hours of sleep, my grandpa can die any day based on how poorly he looks, and I had to tell the guy I was sort of seeing that I couldn't be his girlfriend. But I have every confidence that it will get better very soon.
Last night, I spent some quality time with my friends after we got off work at 10:30 last night and went swimming in the lake. Most of us didn't have bathing suits, so instead we went in our underwear. The water was freezing, but it's these moments that make me realize that I still need to live my life to the fullest. It's the crazy carefree moments like this that people remember, not the working.
So with that, I was eager to talk to the guy I was sort of seeing and tell him all about my adventure; however, when he came on the phone all he wanted to talk about was my sisters and why they were mad at him. How the hell would I know? Then he kept asking me what they said to me about him, which was nothing but good things.
When I told him this, he kept at it, asking me what I had heard from them. During this moment, it made me wonder what he had done to be so concerned at what I had heard. He goes on to tell me that he went out with my eldest sister last year, but nothing happened. I had already known that they went out a couple times.
Out of the blue, he asks if I will be his girlfriend. I was shocked. I wanted to say yes, but at the same time, there was a voice in the back of my head telling me to say no. Reminding me of when we kissed for the first time that there was no sparks, no fireworks, nothing. It was a good kiss, don't get me wrong! There just wasn't any sparks for me. I wanted there to be fireworks, but no such luck.
So, when I tried to tell him the reasons why I was telling him no, he didn't want to hear any of it. He asked me if I liked him, but I don't think he liked my answer of "I don't know". The reason for my "I don't know" was because I enjoyed his company so much and the midnight talks a great deal that I wanted to like him more than a friend. He wouldn't let me speak though, and I was tired of fighting so I let him hang up.
This morning I woke up to find a text from him saying "thank you but I still don't understand why your sis got more back bone than you". What does this even mean? And which one of us should feel more assaulted? It's this text that makes me realize that I want to yell at him for saying this, but that isn't classy or right. So, what do I do? Nothing. Not yet anyway.
I feel like I need to talk to him about the why of it and how I feel, but how do you get into contact with a guy that now hates your guts? Is it by phone? Letter? Text? Voicemail? Surely not work, because that would be unprofessional. Maybe a text saying that we need to talk? I'm so lost on what to do that it makes me wonder if I should just stop dating again.
But, I know that this is just a bump in the road for me or maybe a huge pothole and that I should continue onward, otherwise how will I be happy? I am not weak and quitting just sounds too easy and sad. So with more eagerness than before, I will keep my eyes open for new things, people, and experiences. No man will ever keep me down.
So what have I decided about this man? I won't tell him a thing. Obviously he didn't want to hear me out, so why bother? And apparently I have no back bone. We'll see about that.
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