Terrifying Choices

Okay, I haven't been consistent with my word at all. Resolutions do not become me apparently. So here is an update, I was accepted in the study abroad program to go to Ireland, but I was also given an opportunity to apply for this internship in Berlin, Germany for the same amount of time. Turns out, the programs over lap, and I won't be able to do both of them at the same time. The dilemma? Well, Berlin will help me tremendously with my language skills, and it is super cheap compared to Ireland. To be honest, I can go on a vacation to Ireland for the whole summer and probably spend the same amount that I would if I went on this 3 week study abroad trip. Crazy, right? I'm not the richest girl on the planet, nor am I remotely close to it, so this is a huge deal. Not only that, but I would be able to work with school age children in Berlin, and that right there is something that is right up my alley. The problem? Well, only 10 people are allowed to go on this internship, and applications are being accepted from multiple schools. MULTIPLE. I am gunning for the fact that I get it, but it still is only a probable case scenario. To say that I am train wreck about it is an understatement.


But that isn't all, my Spring Break trip to Dallas is getting closer and closer, and I don't feel ready to lead 35 other college students across the country. In fact, I feel like I am stumbling through all the preparation work, and I don't really know what to do. How to do it all is a little daunting. And as time progresses, my anxiety and panic start to bubble to the surface. Am I ready for this? Probably not, but I am still going to give it my all when I do it.

My family has always told me that if my dreams don't scare the shit out of you, then you're not dreaming big enough. And for some reason, I listened to them. I find myself always volunteering or applying to do something that just terrifies me, and always somehow getting it. I ask myself all the time, why am I doing this? Am I just torturing myself, or is it the little voice in my head saying, "if you don't push yourself out of your comfort zone, will you be satisfied with the life you live?" My answer is obvious in the fact that it is a no. I will not be satisfied that I didn't do anything worthwhile when I could have. Then I look back at everything that I have already done before, and I am proud of myself. I did things that I never thought I would have, and I know that even if I would be hesitant to do them again, I would still be able to do them with pleasure.