Goodbye Grandpa

My Grandpa died on July 10th, very early Sunday morning. He wasn't in pain at the time (from all the painkillers) and he was surrounded by family when he passed. My grandpa and my uncles who were with him were never very religious; however, right before my grandpa died, he sat up in his bed (after not being able to even talk that whole day). My uncle found him mumbling to himself and looking at something. When my uncle tried to get him to lay back down, he wouldn't listen, but when he asked what my grandpa was looking at,  he replied "the light". I guess that he mumbled a little more before he said "I gotta go" in brisk way he always did, and passed away.

Its good that he is gone, because now he isn't in any pain and he is with my grandma. He missed her so much and had been ready to die for a long time. The thing that keeps me going is knowing that he is a better place with the woman that he loves.

On Tuesday, (yesterday) we held a tiny service and a celebration, because that is what he wanted. We had to celebrate his life, but I mean I guess I would want the same if I was 82 years old. The service was brisk with my cousin reading the obituary, the talking I did about him, and the military salute for him. I say, the hardest part was when those shots rang. They make everything so final, and sad, which is the point, but it just makes me sob when I hear them. After that was the celebration, and somehow the ones that usually need to be left alone are the ones who are most sought after. Everyone knew that I was his granddaughter because I spoke about him, so I never had a moment to cry.

This is what I said at the service:

My grandpa was a stubborn, ornery, old man, but he was also a funny, kind, and social person. He was one of the strongest people I know. Each time I would go visit him he would say "what do you want?" in that gruff tone of his. But at the end he would always say "well, come visit me again ... I love you. Goodbye." It started to be our thing so that last time we spoke he said "you better come visit me again, I love you." It broke my heart to promise him that not knowing if I would be able to make it but I did.

 I know that he loved me and my family a great deal, but his way of showing it was different. He had this huge garden, and boy did he love it. But the reason, I believe, why he loved it so much is because he knew he would be feeding his children and grandchildren with the food he grew. He grew up in a time where people didn't really show affection, yet he found a way. That's how much he loved us all.

You know, people say that you can't choose your family and that you're stuck with them no matter what, but if I had a choice, I would still choose him.